Oreos are vegan!! And in other news....

Good news: Lobster prices are at $2.20 a pound in Maine!

Bad News: Lobster prices are at $2.20 a pound in Maine.

Why would that be bad news? In almost the immortal words of Steve McCroskey: I picked a bad time to quit meat (And not live in Maine, but that’s another post.)

There’s always the other shoe dropping. I love being a lawyer, generally. But I have a hearing I am just not “into” this morning. That would be the bad news. The good news: It’s at 10:30am so I get to avoid the back-to-school, can’t-drive-in-rain morass that is our Miami-Dade County roads until 10am. (The ancillary good news is that I am procrastinating getting ready by writing this post.)

Good news: It’s Miami Spice month!

Bad news: See Steve McCroskey quote above.

For those of you outside of the Miami foodie scene, Miami Spice is where the best restaurants in town serve a price fixed three-course menu for a fraction of their normal prices. This altruism is really an effort to increase traffic during a traditionally slow season by getting the locals to try what is normally experienced by tourists. Their website is http://www.ilovemiamispice.com/. It works wonderfully. I have been a proud patron  for ages and look forward to it every year. Now I find myself combing the menus to see how I can make it a vegan experience. I am not succeeding.

Maybe being a vegan is like being a lawyer. When asked what I do, I generally say I practice law. The reason every lawyer practices law is because you are never really perfect at it. Law is an ever-changing, living thing, incapable of being mastered. Maybe I am practicing being a vegan. Clearly I am not an “ethical” vegan, more of a “diet” vegan, but since I don’t have it down pat, can I just be a practicing vegan?

Good news: Oreos are Vegan!

Bad news: They are chock full of sugar without a single whole grain, total, in the entire package. Moreover, they are defeatist as the complete antithesis of what you are trying to accomplish, i.e. weight loss and increased health.

Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the elated oompah band playing in my head.

Good news: Oreos are VEGAN!              ‘nuff said.

Good and bad. Ying and yang. Black and white. It’s always the dichotomy, because Life is just one ironic bitch.

Cuban Food RULES!

Day 20 (Can’t believe almost three weeks!!!)

Breakfast – As I write this, I am thoroughly enjoying a couple of Ancient Grains waffles with Smart Balance spread and maple syrup and a café con almond leche.

Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you for all the wonderful comments, suggestions and support you have sent.  I have received recipe ideas, links, encouragement and even a few questions.  By the way, thanks for pointing out that I overuse my exclamation! points!  A LOT!!!  It’s just the way my excited brain works, all righty?!

One particular question had me pondering:  Why is it called a “Cuban” vegan’s journey?  Isn’t it the same for all?  Well, actually, no.  I endeavored to explain that I believe the journey is different because of the Cuban Food Rules.  (Not said in the same tone as: San Dimas High School Football RULES!  Although, Cuban food totally does RULE.)  (Bonus points for you few 80’s kids that got that reference.)

Being a vegan flies directly in the face of how Cubans eat.  Cubans have rules that are to be followed at every meal, especially if it is a home-cooked meal.  There may be exceptions for weddings and certain restaurants, but at home, it is All-Cuban All-the-Time.  I suspect these rules are common with most meat-centric cultures, but since I’m Cuban, this is all I am technically qualified to pontificate upon. 

The Cuban Food Rules:

1.  Meat must be 2/3 or more of the meal.  Acceptable substitution:  Spanish omelet with chorizo.

2.  Side dishes are just a vehicle for the meat.  Example, in Arroz con Pollo, the rice is only there to contain the chicken and sop up its juices so nothing is wasted.  In the event you made Arrroz Imperial, it is also there to hold the cheese/ham/mayo layer on top.

3.  Green Vegetables come from cans and are a garnish: peas and asparagus.  See #2.

4.  Salad is acceptable but it is comprised of 2-3 leaves of Iceberg lettuce, 1-2 slices of overripe tomatoes and occasionally, a slice of onion. It can only be topped by oil and vinegar.  It may contain avocado, in season, and from the back yard.  No those tiny black ones from California.  They are unacceptable and a waste of time. 

5.  Acceptable vegetable sources are starchy and generally white:  white potatoes, yucca, malanga, boniato, plantain.  Also acceptable if bathed in oil and onions:  Cuban pumpkin. 

6.  Any other vegetables must be canned (corn, Veg-All) or fried:  eggplant, ripe plantain,

7.  Beans are a necessary staple, like water.  They are neither meat nor vegetable but, with the exception of black beans, are also vehicles for meat.  Black beans must be served with rice and a meat. 

8.  Breakfast shall contain milk (café con leche) and bread made with lard, slathered with butter.  It should also contain eggs and a fried meat product.

9.  American pumpkin is solely for decoration and for Americans to make pie.  Orange sweet potatoes are an anomaly of nature and can’t possibly be good for you.

10.  Desserts follow every meal and must contain 2 or more of the following:  dairy, eggs,  abundant sugar.

These rules stand in stark contrast to the standard American Gringo diet.  Americans have entire government agencies employing thousands of people who do nothing but tell Americans how they should eat.  These agencies have developed food charts, slogans, pyramids, color-coded plate diagrams complete with their own website http://www.choosemyplate.gov/ , all to demonstrate the ideal “balanced diet”.  Cubans believe in a balanced diet.  They consider it balanced when they use a plate large enough that the piled-on food, on top of the large mounds of meat, doesn’t topple over.  Now that’s balance!

True story:  a friend (non-Cuban) had a culture shock when her new Cuban husband came home one day with what she considered a serving platter.  For their wedding, she had registered for beautiful place settings with standard 10” dinner plates.  So, after three months of wedded bliss, her husband went home to his mama and picked up the “plato” he had used growing up.  (Incidentally, she also found out that he had been going to Mami’s house to eat after work before getting home, where he would eat again.)  Apparently, the lovely and elegant dinner plates were too small for his Cuban “balance”, and the double dinners ended once he had his plate. 

One of my dearest friends (Cuban) also had a bit of a culture shock when she married an American gentleman.  At dinner with her family, he only took one small pork chop.  One.  She double blinked.  She usually took two (and she is a tiny thing), and the male members of her family usually ate three or more.  Her new husband filled his plate with side dishes and was the only one to eat an entire bowl of iceberg lettuce with tomatoes. 

I am pretty certain if you took that little pork chop away, he would have adjusted nicely with his side dishes and salad.  There’s the fundamental difference with the Cuban vegan experience.  Taking away all meat, dairy and egg related items from the Cuban diet leaves us with a sad leaf of lettuce.  Not an appetizing prospect.

Yet, my journey gets easier and yummier with all your help and support.  Please post in the comments any other Cuban Rules that I might have missed, or any food rules from your cultural back ground.

Cheat meal! Cheat day!! Cheat Weekend?!?!? A slippery slope indeed.

Breakfast – scrambled eggs with mushrooms & onions and hash browns

Lunch – hummus, pita chips, leftover hash browns (with a little cheese)

Dinner – 3 baked/roasted chicken wings, broccoli slaw, roasted marshmallows

It always starts like a good idea.  “Cheat for one meal a week and it will help you curb your cravings the rest of the week.”  “As long as you are eating clean 70% of the time, the other 30% won’t matter and you will continue to lose weight.”  It’s worked for some friends so it should work for me, right?

I've come to realize that, if I could control myself AT ALL, I wouldn't be in this weight mess to begin with!   Since dairy has been so difficult to avoid, I decided that my weekly “cheat meal” would include dairy.  Seemed logical, no?  I would simply “give in” and eat along with the rest of my family while still avoiding meat.  I already knew that Saturdays were my biggest challenge so it seemed logical that my cheat meal would be on Saturday. 

Saturday morning greeted me with my hubby making breakfast.  I think he was just as excited as I was that I would actually share the meal with the family (I don’t think he noticed I didn't eat the bacon.)  I thoroughly enjoyed my fluffy eggs with mushrooms and onions and hash browns.  I then went on to my errands safe with the knowledge that I had planned this “cheat”, enjoyed it and now was moving on.

 At lunch, I was busily packing my Saturday with all the back-to-school errands on top of the regular Saturday list.   I just grabbed for the hummus and found there was a tiny bit.  On the list was Saturday grocery shopping, ergo, very little vegan at the ready.  I reached for the left over breakfast hash browns-- with cheese.  (I had taken out my breakfast portion prior to the cheese addition.)  My toes curled, they were so good.

You would think that I could just be satisfied with that naughty lunch and stay with my vegan diet, fully sated from my cheating venture.  You would be wrong.

My brain, hopped up on forbidden dairy, quickly decided that I could handle another stray at dinner without a problem.  My son had been craving chicken wings so I prepared them three ways: buffalo, teriyaki and garlic-parmesan.  A trifecta of wing perfection!  It was my undoing.  As if an alien puppeteer was controlling my limbs with invisible strings, the wings made their way into my mouth.  The garlic cheesiness, the sweetness of the teriyaki and the tangy bite of the buffalo (with extra Worcestershire sauce) attacked the decadent pleasure sensors in my brain and had my taste buds singing.  I painstakingly devoured 6 pieces, or three whole wings, savoring every delicious bite.  My entire body smiled.  And I was satisfied.

Sunday morning, I awoke to a stocked veggie bin, loaded vegan pantry and an over-flowing fruit basket with the products of my Saturday grocery run.  I enjoyed my protein cereal with almond milk and prepared a super healthy bean dip to munch.  Thanks to Ariana and her 21-day vegan kick-start, I have a week of vegan delights ahead.  There will be other cheat meals or even entire “cheat” days, but I will plan them to truly satisfy a craving, not just cheat for the sake of cheating.  Then, I will enjoy the decadence thoroughly, as it should be.  

Better safe than sorry with rationalizations

Breakfast -- Coffee, multigrain bagel, veggie cream cheese

Lunch -- Pad Thai with veggies and tofu

Dinner -- Avocado, tomato and onion sandwich on whole grain flax seed bread, mango

Yep, I failed at breakfast.  I have failed because I failed to plan or something like that.  I found myself having breakfast with my hubby at a local bakery.  The only whole/multi-grain thing I could find that did not come with eggs and cheese was the bagel.  (I deftly avoided the delicious muffins, cheese Danish, and bacon/gouda quiches.  Yay, Me!!)  I guess I am not committed to this enough to eat that bagel completely dry.  I opted for the low fat veggie version.  In my rationalizing brain, I figured that the veggie one was at least closer to vegan than the others.  Yeah, didn’t make much sense, like most of our rationalizations.

A saying I learned many years ago, so long I can’t possibly attribute to any one person, is, “You can go a week without sex, but you can’t go a day without a rationalization.”  My office partner can’t go 15 minutes without a rationalization.  She rationalizes everything from her lunch selection to her wardrobe.  It’s pretty exhausting just to watch.  You all know someone like that, I am sure.

I, on the other hand, try desperately to rationalize as little as possible.  You see, early in my relationship with my husband I told him about the saying.  He and I joked about it often.  In one instance where the rationalization was a far stretch – you’ve been there, don’t lie-- he extrapolated the saying to mean that the more we rationalized, the less sex we would have.   I was not about to risk that, so somehow, it has worked on my subconscious to make me rationalize as little as possible. 

Needless to say, I don’t expect to get lucky tonight, the herniated back notwithstanding, but I’m newly committed to not rationalizing any future straying from the goal.  If I do stray, I do it with complete awareness and not some veiled, specious reasoning.  Just in case.  Sex, I guess, works as another good motivator for me!

Flashback to Law school

Breakfast – oatmeal, raisins, banana and little honey

Lunch – vegetable soup, wheat thins and some peanut butter

Dinner – cereal with almond milk

Yes, you read that right:  cereal for dinner.  It dawns on me I know nothing about vegan meal preparation and I have planned poorly.  This morning I put a large pork butt in the slow cooker to make sliders for the family tonight.  I thought I would eat coleslaw (with dairy-free dressing) and make mashed cauliflower.  Pork has never been my favorite and I love side dishes, so I thought this work.  I did not factor in the exhaustion I felt when I finally walked through the door. 

As my family munched on the sliders, sans cole slaw or cauliflower, I was left standing in front of the open refrigerator gazing aimlessly inside.  It occurred to me that for the first time in a very long time, cereal was on the menu.  Yippee -- Carbs!  I reached for the almond milk and, suddenly, I had a flashback to law school.  Note that that there is no one poorer than a grad student.  I could never afford meat, much less red meat.  Often I would come home and find a refrigerator with little more than a tomato, an apple, some bread and piece of cheese (if it was on sale)….. and beer.  There was always at least one beer.  (Hey, better to always be ready.)  Dinner could be a bowl of cereal or a simple sandwich.  To date, one of my favorite sandwiches is a tomato, cheese and avocado sandwich.  I guess I was a poverty-imposed vegetarian for a good part of my law school years.

I remember when I started dating this very cute Cuban boy and I invited him to dinner.  I was proud of the “gourmet” meal I had prepared: pasta with mushrooms and spinach in a light white wine sauce.  I placed the beautiful plate in front of him, smiling with pride.  He gingerly lifted a few strands of pasta and looked underneath.  Not the reaction I expected.  So I asked what was wrong.  He quickly said nothing but his forced smile gave him away.  He finally said he was looking for the meat.  On our next date, he took me to Steak and Ale.  It appears that my foolishness in serving a non-meat meal to a Cuban led to discovering a way around my reluctant vegetarianism.  Two years later, we were married... and served prime rib at the reception.

Day 1 - Eat to Live, not Live to Eat

Breakfast:  Toasted flax seed whole wheat bread with peanut butter and a banana, 8oz of soy milk, protein with fruit

Lunch:  Lentil soup with cherries for dessert

Dinner:  left over gumbo (broth only. Ok, a few shrimp, but no sausage!) with brown rice

Whoever came up with starting diets on a Monday?  I know several weight monitoring programs say not to, but somehow it still happens.  It was the day after I went shopping for my vegan stuff so I thought it made sense.  Note to self:  hopefully there won’t be a next time because this will be it for the rest of my life, but if there is, don’t start a diet on a Monday!

 I had a frustrating day, mostly because the pain in my back and leg did not relent all day.  (As I write this, my beanpole child is running on the treadmill.  I should be inspired but, really, I’m not.)  I should explain that another big motivating factor at this precise moment in my life is the pain I am suffering.  Three weeks ago in the late night hours toiling over numerous patches that needed to be sewn on my children’s uniforms, I hurt my back.  A stupid twist at the wrong time was all it took to cause a hernia between L2 and L3 vertebrae pressing on my sciatic nerve.  The pain has been gradually getting worse, moving down my hip, butt cheek and right leg.  Now some of my leg is numb while the center is a flaming torch of pain. 

I am sure I would not have this pain if I had a strong “core”.  I always thought “core” was like the center of a Boston Crème donut.  It should be sweet and creamy, eliciting all sorts of delight.  Not so.  It should be strong so I can either not endure this pain or recover quickly. 

The pain also reminds me of the first time I had any sciatica pain.  I was eight months pregnant and the baby was pressing on the nerve.  A few months, some strong pushing and the pain went away.  The adorable 8.5lb baby boy made me forget all about it.  Til now.  At this moment, I weigh what I weighed 8 months pregnant.  If there was ever a reason to lose weight, excruciating pain not resulting in a bundle of joy is more than sufficient motivation.

Forks over knives or Nuts over Steaks?

I have a love affair that I need to admit.  Admission is the first step in all 12 step programs to a better you, right?  Well, here goes: I love red meat.  I especially love it medium rare, more on the rare side.  Preferably, a bone-in rib eye or a broiled picanya cut with sea salt on the crispy outside and a side of mushrooms.  My brain swoons with visions of the juicy beef and my mouth waters as I write this.

So, what the hell am I doing contemplating becoming a vegan?  I’m definitely not a tree-hugging, Birkenstock wearing (yuck!) hippie who has a problem devouring anything that had a parent or eyes.  (Although I did have a very pleasant commune experience, but it definitely involved meat.  More on that another day.) I have always been a staunch advocate for the high animal protein way of life – Adkins, South Beach, Paleo – all were made for me!  Yippee!

Yet, here I sit at 47 years old and 2?? pounds (I’m not okay seeing that number yet in print.  Hell, the 47 almost put me over the edge!) an obvious failure at the carnivore way to optimum health.  I have tried all manner of diets -- of course all containing copious amounts of animal products-- diet pills, shots, hormones, and have over time probably lost enough weight to equal another one of me.  But I can never manage to keep the weight off for very long.  Something always seems to happen to derail me.  (Note the lack of true personal responsibility in that statement.)  I do admit, however, that I am lazy.  I hate to sweat.  I especially hate organized exercise activities where I sweat next to other fat people, particularly if they too are sweating.  Gross! 

“Exercise at home,” you say.  The treadmill in my house is used mostly by my dog and my dad, seldom by my kids, rarely by my husband.  There is also a rowing machine, weight machine, bands, videos, an “Ab-lounger”, big exercise ball, hand weights and a whole hell of a lot of good intentions.  In its defense, the Ab-lounger is quite good at getting that good stretch when you need it, and holding folded laundry. 

Of course, I have friends that have been able to find and flip that magic switch in their brains to make them love working out and change their eating habits, not just “diet”.   They have made it a way of life and have lots tons of weight.  I have come to the conclusion that I do not possess that switch.  It was not in my blue print.  Kind of like ordering lasagna at the Chinese restaurant – it is simply not on the menu. 

Enter my newly vegan friend.  I saw her about 6 months ago and she had lost some serious weight.  She had always been chubby, like me.  I saw her slimmer and she gushed about this new lifestyle she and her husband had embraced after watching a documentary called “Forks over Knives”.  She made it clear it was a weight/health issue and she had not suddenly started hugging trees or wearing hemp suits to court.  I congratulated her and wished her every success but secretly I thought it wouldn't last.  She’s Cuban; so is her husband.  It is not in the Cuban genetic make up to be a vegetarian.  I once told my grandmother that I wanted to make a vegetarian lasagna (note: vegetarian, not vegan.  I was putting 4 kinds of cheese all over that thing!) and she proceeded to take out some ham for the sauce because it’s “not beef” so its okay and you “can’t make sauce without any meat”.

Anyway, fast forward to last week.  I saw my friend again and she looked FABULOUS!  Not just thinner, although she definitely is.  Not just lighter and with well-fitting clothes, which she had.  She glowed.  No, really, she did.  Her skin looked clear and beautiful.  She is my age.  She confirmed that she had not had gastric bypass or any surgery.  I already knew that just by looking at her.  Generally, gastric bypass does no favors to the skin of women my age.  In our 40’s, losing tons of weight quickly is horrible for our skin and who wants to lose weight if it is going to give you a grey, saggy, wrinkly face?  I might be chunky, but I don’t look 80.  Her skin was 10 years younger and even clearer than ever.   And her greatest testament:  She had not exercised one iota.  Damn, I’m sold.

The adventure begins….